Today, a lady actually tried to take measurements of me for a bridesmaid dress. I laughed very hard at this, as they don’t make measuring tape that covers the circumference of my belly anymore. I told the woman to order my pre-maternity size, threw some money at her, and walked out of the wedding store feeling… nervous.
I have mentioned in previous posts that I am extremely aware of my ever-growing child inside of my ever-growing belly. I’ve never been the ‘skinny’ type, but I had always done my best to stay in shape by running and maintaining an active routine. After I conceived, I had the very good fortune of not showing for a while, and being in school/planning a wedding gave me good distractions from the longitudinal growth my body was doing. I could run a bit early on in my pregnancy (this mostly happened when I arrived late to cafeteria breakfast and they were putting away the parfaits), and I tried to walk as much as possible, both of which really made me feel confident. By month 3, when my sickness/fatigue really started to flare, exercise was a thing of the past. Not only was I too exhausted most of the time, but it was painful to move at anything more than normal pace for any period of time. I felt stuck.
Enter a telephone call, an engagement, and hours of wedding planning. For me, it was hard to let go of the fact that I wasn’t going to be a skinny bride. Those days we women dream about, floating down the isle, being the most beautiful we’ll ever be… I would have to do this without months of sweat and preparation, without P90x, without Jillian Micheals yelling at me, without hours of running on treadmills next to sorority girls wearing only their sports bras. I was going to have to accept myself how I was, weight gain and all. When I walked down the isle, I was the heaviest I had been in my entire life… But a few tears, a bust alteration, and a wedding later, I ended up surviving. And having a pretty good time.
However, losing weight AFTER a baby? This is another story. It is hard for me to be okay with gaining weight, even while eating mostly healthy (yes, I said mostly… I will not be pretentious enough to claim 100% commitment), but I fear it will be even harder to get myself to lose it. True, I am sometimes anxious to get off the couch and do something (sometimes…I will not pretend I do not enjoy an occasional round of “lie like a slug for hours”), but I am so nervous that I might not lose anything, or that I might be too exhausted to truly try. The lady at the store today was no help, supplying me with simply a “hmm” when I explained I could not get fitted until after I gave birth. Even my well-intentioned, ever-realistic mother said it: “I would order a couple sizes bigger if I were you.” My sister, who came to visit me today, rattled off every single person we knew who had a baby and who looked “large” afterward. It’s difficult to be confident at this point.
So here I am, asking for your take as a reader… Is 5 months enough time to lose any sort of baby weight? Am I completely insane for ordering my pre-maternity size for a curve-revealing bridesmaid dress? Do I start my diet now?