Birth Control: The Newborn Edition

If you recall, back in the golden days of pregnancy I posted about the glorious aspects of expecting a child. Seriously, they should make every girl read a list like this in high school.

Now that Brady has emerged from my womb and into his crib, I have discovered a few more aspects of Mommyhood that “What to Expect” books didn’t prepare me for:

1. Baby Senses. In Spiderman, when Peter Parker gets a mental alert that danger is lurking? That’s a real thing moms experience. You will suddenly wake up in the night and know your baby is hungry or needs attention. It’s not paranoia, it is based on your baby’s actual need… Okay, it might be a little bit of paranoia. But be prepared to get the ‘alert’ both while you are around your baby and when he is being taken care of by someone else, when you are far away. Happy sleeping!

2. Sorry ladies… Dads don’t get up with the baby. Okay, sometimes they will if you guilt them into it. But it’s best to just accept that when he calls in the night, YOU are going to drag your ten-percent-conscious body from bed to tend to the baby. There is no use arguing or holding a grudge against the husband for it. It’s just a rule of life no one told you about. You’ll have to just deal.

3. Babies hate your Arts & Crafts. We tried so hard to get a nice footprint from Brady to make a Christmas ornament. We waited until he was calm, and when we stuck his foot in the clay he panicked, leaving us with an ornament with an imprint of what looks like the state of Florida on it. I unleashed the Martha Stewart in me and made my very own baby sling the other day. Pompous and proud, I placed Brady in it. Within 8 seconds he puked all over it. Days later, I have yet to place him in the sling without him puking all over it.

4. You get used to Puke. Spit-up, drool, puke.. There was a time when I changed my clothes every time the baby spilled a bodily fluid on them. Now, I just smear it so it’s less noticeable and continue on with my day.

5. Night Feedings. Sure, you get up at night when you’re pregnant. You stay up late before you get pregnant. But when the baby comes, waking up at night to feed him is easier typed than done. Your babies cries wake you, but not really.  Attempting the coordination required to nurse on an hour and a half of sleep is vastly difficult. Trying to get him to sleep without fully waking up yourself is borderline impossible, for when you yearn for sleep, the baby yearns for undivided attention. Sometimes I will wake up and discover pajamas crusted with milk, a half-fastened diaper, a baby placed upside-down in his crib… but at least he got his meals in, right?

This being said- I don’t know if moms can ever prepare for this stuff. We just have to toughen up as we go.

Ah, sleep.
Ah, sleep.

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