Finally, my blogging hiatus has come to an end.
Lately, I have been attempting to cure my bouts of sadness with the activity of doing things. Things other than buying baby outfits with whales on them. Yes, I know it sounds monotonous, but I guess I came to a point where I just had to start over with my whole perception of Motherhood and reset my expectations. So here’s what I have been up to:
Going out in the sun- I don’t want to blame it all on the weather, but the cloudy days we were having in Michigan certainly weren’t helping my mood. Released from the confines of my mundane apartment, there’s a lot of sidewalk out there for my jogging stroller and I to cover. Vitamin D and fresh air does the soul an enormous amount of good, and Brady loves it. If only because he gets to eat grass when we stop in the lawn.
Teaching Brady sign language- I know what you’re thinking, and yes, I am totally one of those moms. I am merely interested in seeing if Brady actually picks it up. And secretly I have always wanted to learn it myself. I bought a book, watched some YouTube videos, and am now teaching him the word ‘milk’. So far he’s done nothing but look at me like I’m nuts.
Taking time for myself- I know it’s completely awful for me, but I bought a month of tanning. The gloomy days were really starting to get to me, so when my husband would get home from work, he watches Brady for a half hour while I drove myself up to the salon. I’m not Snookie-dark or anything, but the few minutes I got by myself every couple days made a huge difference in my attitude. I felt like I could start to sort through some of my thoughts, similar to a normal human being.
Running- That’s right! I’m finally back at it!…. I don’t remember why I used to think running was fun.
Socializing- I realized I don’t get out much. When my only dance move is the “Cat Daddy”, when all my clothes suddenly became 6 years old, when I looked at my last 25 phone calls that were only from my husband and mother, I decided to allow myself to be glimpsed in public occasionally. Baby in tow. I am trying to get in the habit of being friendly again, instead of uncomfortably post-partumed and grumpy. This is a challenge for me but comes naturally to my infant son, who will shamelessly flirt with any old lady who notices him. Brady enjoys when I have conversations with people as I hold him in my arms; he often picks that time to start blatantly grabbing my boob in a manner impossible for any of us to ignore, hoping to nurse, and forcing me to say something awkward and run away.
Reading- After months of re-discovering what Brown Bear sees (a surprising number of off-colored animals and a genderless educator), I picked up a book without pictures and read. To myself. In my head. It felt so wonderful, even if it was Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, which I have read 800 times.
Teaching– It would be generous to say that I’ve ‘gone back to work’, but I have gotten back into the classroom a few more times. Though I miss Brady while I’m there, it feels great to be doing what I love. And what I am paying $45,000 to be certified to do.
Enjoying being a mom- Somehow Brady turned 5 months old today. He’s growing so quickly and learning so much every day. I am taking more time now to actually enjoy being with him, to cuddle him at 4am when he wakes up, or to play with him as he rolls around in his crib. He won’t be little forever, and I won’t be a mother of a little one forever. It helps to consciously force myself to take a step back from all the stress and self-pity of motherhood and just enjoy the fact that I am blessed enough to be living with a little baby who thinks I am completely insane- but loves me unconditionally anyway.